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Submitted on
April 7, 2012
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Between the trees
And the telephone wires
The golden moon
Hangs low in the sky.
It looks so close to me,
Like I could
Close my hands around it.
If I could pluck it
Down for you,
I would.
But just you wait,
If I leave it there,
You'll never feel
This far away.
This is my 7th poem for NaPoWriMo2012.

I really don't think I can say anything. I just had one of those empty kind of days that makes you feel like your soul dried up and left an hollow shell, because I don't feel anything.
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:iconjagrier:
The poem "So Close and So Far Away" expresses the speaker's longing for an unnamed person. The device used is the perceived distance of the moon, that is so far away, but seems so close.

Vision - The poem has a strong sense of theme. It does not use too many metaphors, but instead is crisp and incisive. The first four lines do a good job of grounding the reader in solid imagery.

Originality – The poem takes a well known idea and turns it over. The idea "I'll give you the Moon" is a common representation of how far a person will go for someone they love. Here the speaker says the moon is better left in place, that in fact the moon makes a better gift right where it is, since it figuratively brings the two people closer together.

Technique – (It hardly seems fair to judge technique on a NaPoWriMo poem, since it is obviously a draft. But since I can't leave this blank ...) The poem shows a basic grasp of all necessary elements of the art. The shorter line lengths lend a sense of urgency that works well. I find myself distracted by the capitals that lead each line, and think the whole of it will benefit from tightening up.

Impact – There is something powerful in here - a well known truth, but expressed with honesty and freshness. Yet I find myself not quite satisfied - I find I want more after the line "If I leave it there," than the last two lines. Not sure what, but something that echoes back more clearly to the starting imagery.

Overall an excellent draft poem that says a great deal in few words. If all my NaPo drafts looked like this, I'd be pleased.
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:iconjagrier:
jagrier Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Professional Writer
I have placed this poem in an Art Feature called "Poetry+Art: Early April Poetry." [link] I hope you enjoy the feature! If you want me to remove the poem or make a change, let me know.
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:iconvegetabelle:
Vegetabelle Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012  Student General Artist
Thank you so much! ^_^ I'm glad you liked it!
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:iconvyktoria-vixen:
Vyktoria-Vixen Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2012  Student Digital Artist
I love this. Reminds of the moon a few days ago when it was yellow lol
Amazing!
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:iconvegetabelle:
Vegetabelle Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2012  Student General Artist
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it! Yeah, I was in the car, and that's all I could really see, so it's all I could really think about.
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:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2012   General Artist
i know you said you dont feel anything but this is probably my favourite so far. I love watching the moon. And i love how it can bring people together across the globe. Late at night you can look up from your bedroom window and see the very same moon i can from mine. Yet we thousands of miles apart :)
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:iconvegetabelle:
Vegetabelle Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2012  Student General Artist
^_^ Yeah, I really like that idea. I've just been so thoroughly exhausted that it's hard to feel a whole lot.
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:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2012   General Artist
:/ you been ok though. You know you can talk to me on email if your struggling. :hug:
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:iconvegetabelle:
Vegetabelle Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2012  Student General Artist
Of course. I love you!
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:iconrifle1980:
Rifle1980 Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2012   General Artist
aww love you too Kerry :)
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