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Literature Text
Not everything there is to see
Is always beautiful.
There will always be
Something in our imperfect world
That needs changing,
But it seems that
Not many are willing to be
The voice of alteration.
However, when I close my eyes,
I wish sometimes
That I could shut them long enough,
So that when I open them
To reassess the universe,
I will find it
Turned quite upside-down.
Is always beautiful.
There will always be
Something in our imperfect world
That needs changing,
But it seems that
Not many are willing to be
The voice of alteration.
However, when I close my eyes,
I wish sometimes
That I could shut them long enough,
So that when I open them
To reassess the universe,
I will find it
Turned quite upside-down.
This is my fifth Poem for NaPoWriMo2012!
The prompt was basically what do you see when you close your eyes? Well, I was really exhausted while writing this, so when I closed my eyes to think, all I could think of was that your corneas actually take in your surroundings upside down which your brain flips right-side up. Then I thought, what if your brain didn't do that, and everyone just lived in an "upside down" world? Turning the world upside down? That's what revolutionaries, avant guarde writers, and activists do! Hence, poem-brain-child of sleep deprivation.
The prompt was basically what do you see when you close your eyes? Well, I was really exhausted while writing this, so when I closed my eyes to think, all I could think of was that your corneas actually take in your surroundings upside down which your brain flips right-side up. Then I thought, what if your brain didn't do that, and everyone just lived in an "upside down" world? Turning the world upside down? That's what revolutionaries, avant guarde writers, and activists do! Hence, poem-brain-child of sleep deprivation.
© 2012 - 2024 Vegetabelle
Comments1
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Overall
Vision Originality
Technique ImpactIt's quite a curious little piece. I usually take a skeptical approach to poems that don't rhyme, but that's purely a personal preference and in this case, it actually really doesn't bother me at all. I like the simplicity of it, the way it is a mellow observation on the things that aren't quite right with the world, and so to me it seems that you've turned the idea of "the activist" upside down. There is no forceful, active imagery, but rather a need to shut you eyes "long enough"; it's really interesting.
What I would suggest is scraping the first "always" in the second line, so that it reads "Not everything there is to see/ is beautiful". It sounds better in my head, but, once again that's a personal preference. Otherwise, it's brilliant as always <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="15" height="15" alt="
" title=" (Big Grin)"/> Keep it up!